Not many posts over the past 10 days. I'm struggling... I'm still running 4 times a weeks but it feels like hard work. I'm having to argue with myself on my 'running' days. Head comes up with any number of lines, here's my top 3 'you can't run today because you are...' lines:
1) too tired;
2) too busy;
3) so gorgeous already, that you don't need to.
So my schizo brain has been going back and forth - should I, shouldn't I...But I haven't let myself fall into this trap: yet. My running has been fine, but my attitude stinks.
For me (as a non-adept runner and someone who has avoided exercise my whole life), what I 'say' to myself as I'm running is everything. For while my brain stops thinking about my 'issues', it does rather focus itself on my running. My running brain goes along the lines of:
Lap 1: "hooray I'm running; what a thoroughly fit and modern middle-aged woman I am":
Lap 2; "help, my lungs are going to explode";
Laps 3-5: "I knew if I got past the initial pain, I would find my stride, look at me go now";
Laps 5-15: "wind feels good on my face, sun feels great, I love my ipod";
Laps 15-20: "I can't run anymore, my legs ache, I'm tired and surely at my age 15 laps is good enough?"
Laps 20-25: "Yeah! You kept going. You are a modern day goddess who can conquer the world and seduce kings (if you had ever met one)."
These to me are the 6 stages of running and probably sufficient proof that I am not a natural. I have gone through these stages since my first week of walking 4 'laps' on the treadmill and I've managed to spread them over ever further distances.
I might have met my limit.
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Monday, 28 January 2013
Expanding my vocabulary about middle age
I haven't given up my running but I have been a bit concerned for the past couple of weeks that I would have to rename my blog to www.pregnantinmyforties.blogspot.com or, more appropriately www.godmustreallyexist-iamcarryinghischild.blogspot.com. Instead (and somewhat thankfully), I am just becoming familiar with middle-aged biological terms: amenorrhea, perimenopause, premenopause, actual menopause. Given my age, I guess I'm either pre- or peri-. But its been a strange few weeks with my husband and I having discussions about our levels of intimacy which always concluded with the phrase 'but you can't get pregnant from doing that - can you?'
I should point out that my husband and I proved a very fertile mix. And we are very grateful for our two too easily conceived children. But the older we were becoming, the more contraceptively challenged we were. And despite conceiving at the drop of a hat, I had complications through both pregnancies which were too risky to risk repeating.
Anyway, some adolescent style fumbling and one missed period do not a pregnancy make. But for the first time in my life, I seem to be, biologically-speaking, unpredictable.
I should point out that my husband and I proved a very fertile mix. And we are very grateful for our two too easily conceived children. But the older we were becoming, the more contraceptively challenged we were. And despite conceiving at the drop of a hat, I had complications through both pregnancies which were too risky to risk repeating.
Anyway, some adolescent style fumbling and one missed period do not a pregnancy make. But for the first time in my life, I seem to be, biologically-speaking, unpredictable.
Sunday, 20 January 2013
International Rehydration Run
Ran with the Lusaka Hash House Harriers on Saturday on their inaugural annual rehydration run. Point of the run was to enjoy traditional international alcoholic beverages at the five check points along the way. Checkpoint 1 - Germany (Jaegermeister), 2 - England (Pimms), 3 - South Africa (Brandy and Coke), 4 - USA (Beer), 5 - Scotland (Scotch). Thankfully hardest part of the run was first leg as despite 'feeling' that I could run faster and longer after each checkpoint, reality triumphed over alcohol infused hope.
This is the first time I ran though the 'real' Lusaka (as opposed to ex-pat land). The locals were bemused at seeing a bunch of (mainly) whites running through their streets (well, mud paths). Some children ran with us in bare feet laughing and whooping at us. People came out on their doorsteps to see this weird sight. Must be hard to comprehend running for fun when you don't own a car or even a bike and walking/running is part of your everyday routine.
This is the first time I've lived in a culture where being plump is a sign of health and wealth. I don't know how you would communicate the concept of diet and exercise to much of the population here. You can map the economic development of a country according to food consumption: scarcity, plenty, gluttony!
This is the first time I ran though the 'real' Lusaka (as opposed to ex-pat land). The locals were bemused at seeing a bunch of (mainly) whites running through their streets (well, mud paths). Some children ran with us in bare feet laughing and whooping at us. People came out on their doorsteps to see this weird sight. Must be hard to comprehend running for fun when you don't own a car or even a bike and walking/running is part of your everyday routine.
This is the first time I've lived in a culture where being plump is a sign of health and wealth. I don't know how you would communicate the concept of diet and exercise to much of the population here. You can map the economic development of a country according to food consumption: scarcity, plenty, gluttony!
Friday, 18 January 2013
An aside 1: My opinion on guns in the USA
When I started this blog, I said I would never be able to keep my mouth shut about a ton of other things unrelated to running. So, I will start a series of 'asides'. I am British but lived in the South of the US for 4 years (North Carolina). Before going to the USA, I assumed that the gun toting, abortion hating, evangelicals as presented in European news were on the fringe of US culture and opinions. Boy, was I in for a surprise....
My first few weeks in NC were literally stunning. I found guns and God everywhere. I was truly terrified. But as time went on I made some good friendships with the pro-God and gun brigade. And whilst I could never believe their beliefs or share their interpretation of the world, I did make some breakthroughs in understanding.
Here's what I learnt about the pro-gun lobby....many people carry guns and concealed weapons because they believe it to be part of their civic duty. They have a strong sense that if found at a scene of a crime that they could protect the 'good' guys from the 'bad'. This has nothing to do with a lack of faith in the police, the legal system or government or a desire to be a vigilante superhero (although on the 'fringe' it does). It is a simple, rational wish of an individual in a vastly rural country to be prepared to do the 'right' thing as an American citizen.
I am strongly anti-guns and I am used to their strict regulation.
I do not agree with the NRA proclamations that it's not 'guns that kill, but people'. Using that logic....it's not drugs that kill people...., it's not atomic bombs that kill people....and on and on.
I do not agree with the Constitutional argument either of the right to form a militia. Its contradictory to be a Constitutionalist and yet believe that the US Constitutionally defined and democratically elected government could so quickly unravel and turn on the American population in a way that would require a popular militia to form. If you really believe this then you must equally believe there are much more serious flaws with the Constitution than the 2nd Amendment.
I do not see the merits in the argument that by banning guns or regulating gun ownership more rigourously that you drive the trade underground. On this argument, drugs, alcohol...actually nothing should be regulated. Including hunting, which ironically seemed to be more regulated in NC than actual gun ownership.
I think the discourse on guns in the US would be much more palatable to observe, if the anti-gun lobby (which I agree with) were to recognise the rational reasons why gun culture is so prolific in much of the US. The debate is actually about different perceptions of what is required to be a good citizen and participant in American society.
My first few weeks in NC were literally stunning. I found guns and God everywhere. I was truly terrified. But as time went on I made some good friendships with the pro-God and gun brigade. And whilst I could never believe their beliefs or share their interpretation of the world, I did make some breakthroughs in understanding.
Here's what I learnt about the pro-gun lobby....many people carry guns and concealed weapons because they believe it to be part of their civic duty. They have a strong sense that if found at a scene of a crime that they could protect the 'good' guys from the 'bad'. This has nothing to do with a lack of faith in the police, the legal system or government or a desire to be a vigilante superhero (although on the 'fringe' it does). It is a simple, rational wish of an individual in a vastly rural country to be prepared to do the 'right' thing as an American citizen.
I am strongly anti-guns and I am used to their strict regulation.
I do not agree with the NRA proclamations that it's not 'guns that kill, but people'. Using that logic....it's not drugs that kill people...., it's not atomic bombs that kill people....and on and on.
I do not agree with the Constitutional argument either of the right to form a militia. Its contradictory to be a Constitutionalist and yet believe that the US Constitutionally defined and democratically elected government could so quickly unravel and turn on the American population in a way that would require a popular militia to form. If you really believe this then you must equally believe there are much more serious flaws with the Constitution than the 2nd Amendment.
I do not see the merits in the argument that by banning guns or regulating gun ownership more rigourously that you drive the trade underground. On this argument, drugs, alcohol...actually nothing should be regulated. Including hunting, which ironically seemed to be more regulated in NC than actual gun ownership.
I think the discourse on guns in the US would be much more palatable to observe, if the anti-gun lobby (which I agree with) were to recognise the rational reasons why gun culture is so prolific in much of the US. The debate is actually about different perceptions of what is required to be a good citizen and participant in American society.
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Running Targets
Ran track today. Met this week's goal to run an extra lap. Was joined by a friend who has not run track since school. I gently and succinctly tried to clarify how I run and how I started. But ift fell on deaf ears, so let me explain....
My start in running was a bit pathetic in terms of distance and time. For the first week, I walked four 'laps' of the treadmill (1 mile or 1500 metres). I needed to start slow. Had I failed at my initial targets, I would have felt a failure. I couldn't set myself up like that.
The next week, I added a 'lap'. The week after, I ran one of the five 'laps'. The following week, I added another 'lap'. The week after, I ran two of the six laps. And on I went like this. Each week I either added a lap, or ran an additional lap. I had 20-30 minutes window each day between finishing work and picking up the children from school. I had to be efficient with my time. And I had to succeed.
I never strayed from this schedule. I never succumbed to the temptation to run extra (or less) laps. I met my target each day: no more, no less. In this way, I tried to establish running as a simple part of my daily routine.
This approach would not have worked for me aged 25. I would have had to have continually challenged myself. Running extra laps, running faster, running with a hangover, whilst smoking... But aged 40, I know more about my psyche. I understand the importance of 'keeping going'. With two young children, my ego requires self-massage. I need to impress myself. And that is what I am doing.
I felt for my friend today, who set out to run an unrealistic target at an unrealistic speed. I hope I can counsel her to re-assess rather than give up.
My start in running was a bit pathetic in terms of distance and time. For the first week, I walked four 'laps' of the treadmill (1 mile or 1500 metres). I needed to start slow. Had I failed at my initial targets, I would have felt a failure. I couldn't set myself up like that.
The next week, I added a 'lap'. The week after, I ran one of the five 'laps'. The following week, I added another 'lap'. The week after, I ran two of the six laps. And on I went like this. Each week I either added a lap, or ran an additional lap. I had 20-30 minutes window each day between finishing work and picking up the children from school. I had to be efficient with my time. And I had to succeed.
I never strayed from this schedule. I never succumbed to the temptation to run extra (or less) laps. I met my target each day: no more, no less. In this way, I tried to establish running as a simple part of my daily routine.
This approach would not have worked for me aged 25. I would have had to have continually challenged myself. Running extra laps, running faster, running with a hangover, whilst smoking... But aged 40, I know more about my psyche. I understand the importance of 'keeping going'. With two young children, my ego requires self-massage. I need to impress myself. And that is what I am doing.
I felt for my friend today, who set out to run an unrealistic target at an unrealistic speed. I hope I can counsel her to re-assess rather than give up.
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