Six not out

Yippee, yippee! Today I ran 6 miles. In just under an hour. Just in case you missed this...

I...RAN...6,...YES...SIX,....MILES IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

Me, for whom my dad's pet name was Pudding. Me, who couldn't get 1 point for my House during the athletics season at high school. Me, who was cast as the minotaur in the tales of Odysseus because I was so big. Excuse my smug, self-satisfied expression but I've waited a long time for some kind of athletic glory. I've trained hard too. And I've just worn out my first pair of trainers. They had holes and everything because I'd done proper sporty things in them.

I'm getting closer to my goal of running an aggregate marathon in a week.

Running in my sleep

I've been feeling tired recently. Running has been hard. I'm not getting puffed out but my legs are tired. I am tired. I can sleep for England. I can sleep for the USA too. If pushed I can be caught napping for Zambia. I don't understand it...I'm fitter than I've ever been in my life, I'm taking my thyroid pills what is the matter with me?

After a day of tests, I discover that my pulse, blood pressure and heart rate are that of someone asleep. Apparently my newly found athleticism has sent my vital signs into freefall. The Doctor reassures me that this is incredible for someone my age - he can hardly believe it. And then he looks at his notes and back at me a few times....
"How old are you?, he asks.
"Forty-one", I reply.
"Oh", he says, "your notes say 50, but you're still in great shape", he backtracks...

And then my thyroid dose is raised and I'm put on mega-ultra-massive doses of calcium which he has discovered is non-existent in my blood.

With luck one pill or the other will keep me awake.

Happy US Runners Day

Today is national running day in the USA. Don't know what you're supposed to do to celebrate, so I took the obvious option and went for a run. I am now up to 5.5 miles three times a week. But my running is slow: it takes me an hour. Assuming I could keep this tortoise-like rate going throughout a marathon, I would still be at the back with the person dressed as an Ostrich.

So, my resolution for national runners' day is to revamp my running goals. I am going to strive to run a marathon each week by aggregating my miles. A bit like air miles but for feet. And I'm going to try to run more than 5 miles in less than an hour. Blimey, doesn't sound like much of a celebration this runners day thing...does it?

Ok, ok. Let's try again. I am going to drink one glass of wine for each weekly mile...a much more enjoyable goal. And following the spirit of the air miles thing, for every 10 miles I can have a bonus cocktail. Given my talent at marathon drinking, I just need to align my running goals with my consumption of alcoholic beverages. There we go...Happy Happy Runners Day to you all!

By the way, if this all sounds too much, Friday is National Donut Day...